I Ain't Been Doin' As I Should
November 19, 2003 - 4:21 p.m.
Took Marlee for a walk today. It was beautiful out. She coo'd and talked to me as we paraded around the subdivision.
Today we got up at 7:30am, went back to bed at 8:30 and slept until noon. So I haven't been practicing for going back to work at all. I promise I will do it tomorrow. I HAVE to.
I am planning to pump four times a day. Here is the schedule I hope
will work:
5:00am pump
6:15am nurse
9:30am pump
12:30pm pump
3:30pm nurse
5:30pm nurse
7:30pm nurse
8:30pm nurse
9:30pm nurse
10:30pm pump
3:30am nurse
We'll have to see if I can get my lazy butt out of bed at 5am tomorrow.
Grumpy Bear, Gotta Run
November 18, 2003 - 3:23 p.m.
Last night putting Marlee to bed proved a challenge. She had been a bear (a cub, rather) all day and I was looking forward to going to bed early.
As a rule, we give her a bath, dress her and feed her and put her down in her crib. Once she's in the crib, she's in there for good. We've never had a problem, she fusses for about a half hour and then falls asleep. Last night the fussing went on for an hour, over an hour, and she was fighting me and wouldn't close her eyes.
Finally, I gave up and went to bed, thinking, if she's not crying she doesn't need me.
Well of course I fell asleep right away because I was exhausted (I have chronic Sunday night insomnia). I slept really really deeply - until my alarm went off at 5am. Even though Marlee has slept through the night before - I just had a bad feeling. I went in her room, and she hadn't moved since I left her the night before. I am scared to death of SIDS, so I just stood there staring at her waiting for her chest to move.
It did, so I thanked my stars and went back to bed. She slept 10 hours. That's unheard of. I can't remember the last time I even slept that long.
OH, and as I was picking her up out of her crib - I heard her poop- ON HER OWN. Oh, the things I get excited over.
Our Big Fun Day and Getting Down To Business
November 16, 2003 - 9:48 p.m.
Marlee and I had a girls day, today. We dropped Tim off at a friend's house and went to a party with some of my good girl friends. Later on we went out to eat with some couple friends of ours...it was a really awesome day. Everyone is in love with Marlee - they keep commenting about her chubby cheeks and how good she is. She really is that good too, she didn't cry at all today. She fussed here and there, but overall she was just enamored with everyone and eating up their attention.
She was really good at the restaurant too, which was surprising because she had already had a long day and had been stuffed in her carseat more than she would have liked. It just so happened that we picked a fancy chinese place to go to that was peacefully silent when we walked in...I was expecting her to make quite a racket but she didn't make one peep and was content to finish off a bottle and stare at the lights.
On the way home we took her on her first ferry ride. Both Tim and I managed to get motion sick and couldn't stay in the car with her (we've never ridden the ferry at night) and she was oblivious to it but it's going in her baby book! Which I intend to work on tomorrow.
Overall it was a really fabulous day!
Last night Marlee was sitting in her rocker and we were watching TV, when out of no where she just started blabbering away. She was really excited, laughing and "talking" to us! I was a lot of fun, of course the batteries on the cam corder were dead. I have a lot of her on video doing nothing, because by the time I actually get the darn thing working she's done doing what it is she was doing. We're getting a new camcorder for Christmas from my parents.
Tomorrow I start feeding her bottles of EBM for all the feedings that I would typically be at work. I am going to pump for every feeding tomorrow, and then try to figure out how to get her 5 feedings into 2 or 3 pump sessions. I might have to pump once she goes to bed, then again before she wakes up in the morning, and then twice at work. That should do it? I don't know.
Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho
November 15, 2003 - 4:04 p.m.
Mar's been acting strangely all day.
My mom and grandma walked in on one of her many screaming fits today. Good timing, I was desperate, she had been screaming for a half hour. Not crying. Screaming like I pinched her legs or something. She's been eating on and off every hour or so, then crying in between that time acting like I am starving her to death. She's practically eaten both her hands and I swear she's going to chomp off the end of her pacifier and swallow it.
She will only sleep in my arms and is very restless at that...she's also extremely gassy and tired.
Is this a fated growth spurt? I can't think of any other explanation. She was also up more times than usual to eat during the night too. I�ve been keeping track of how much she ate this week so I�d have an accurate estimate of what to send to daycare with her�so I know she�s been eating more overall today than any other day this week.
My mom and grandma tried to tell me that it was just that she was "being spoiled" and "fed too much" as reasoning for her behavior, and I had to swear to them that she never acts like this, and I don't hold her when she is sleeping and I don't feed her too much but she was demanding it...
it must be a growth spurt because it's out of character for her.
The other day I called my nurse because I was concerned that Marlee is making a habit out of not pooping for days on end. As it was when I called we were going on day 5. She ranges from 2-6 days now between bm's and by the day of the blow-out, she's been miserable for a while and cranky as hell.
The nurse recommended an infant suppository, which worked like a charm, but that only temporarily relieves that problem because it isn�t a one-time thing. So I guess we have to look into why this is happening more. I wish it were something as easy as my diet or something, but nothing has changed � nothing at all that would bring this on. The nurse did mention that sometimes breastfed babies burn through the nutrients in breastmilk so fast that it is completely metabolized, but this isn�t what�s happening, she�s just holding it.
Weird. I am going to go spend an hour with my What to Expect the First Year book.
Oh and, I hada semi-breakdown today...mainly because Tim was out galavanting around again today, coming and going as he pleased. I wanted him to see, just for once, what it feels like for me when he takes off day after day, weekend after weekend with no care in the world. I think, after a good talk, promted by him catching me sobbing over a load of laundry, that he got the point.
I told him I don't mind doing the laundry and taking care of the house. And I never feel like I need a break from spending time with Marlee. But I am totally craving some much needed self-attention, I want to do something I WANT to do and not something I HAVE to do. I could even do it with Marlee or go someplace with her, but in my mind, all the stuff that has to be done, should be done first. I've just always prioritized work before pleasure. Maybe that's not being fair to myself but I don't really enjoy what it is I am doing unless it is that way.
So somehow, tomorrow, we are going to make sure that I get some time in doing something I want, like reading a book (that doesn't rhyme) or scrapbooking or -and the sucky part of me starts thinking about cleaning out the inside of my car and all the laundry that needs to be done....
Couch Potato In the Making
November 14, 2003 - 3:17 p.m.
Marlee is watching Fantasia right now. She's completely mesmerized. Not sure if she is enjoying it or is terrified. She keep sucking in huge breaths and squeaking and waving her arms at the screen.
8 weeks, Venting Unwarranted Frustration
November 13, 2003 - 10:19 a.m.
Marlee is 8 weeks old today, and it seems like in just the last day or two, she's evolved into a new sort of person with a personality and a sense of humor...she's very predictable and very fun to be around now.
I can't get over how she already has likes and dislikes, favorite toys and games. She's still sleeping like a champ, and I feel very fortunate about that.
The other night before bed, she showed Tim and I that she knows how to scream, and scream she did. It was SO LOUD. And apparently for no other reason than that she could. I laid her in her crib, still screaming, turned on the aquarium and waited for her to calm, which she did.
Last night, after puking gallons all over the both of us, Tim gave her a bath and put her to bed.
It sounds nice, doesn't it? And it is. I can't explain it but in some ways, I get angry at him because he waits until I am frustrated and need his help before he offers it, and then he goes above and beyond with helping out. I should be thankful, and believe me, I am. But I think it would be MORE helpful if he wouldn't wait until I get to the point where I am crying or angry to help. You know, like when she puked all over both of us, and I couldn't put her down because she was crying, instead of watching me struggle to get her undressed and ready for a bath, he could have gotten the bath ready while I undressed her and changed my clothes. Instead it took forever for me to set up and get ready, all the while she was screaming. I had asked him to help and he did - once she was calmed down and in the water. He gives her a bath most nights, he enjoys this "job"...so I am really not complaining. And I wouldn't mention this to him because he could come up with a dozen ways that he has helped. I never expected this to be 50-50, I just wish he would be more proactive than reactive. And I think the older she gets, the better he gets at that.