Pictures!
February 13, 2003 - 12:49 p.m.
So guess what I have?
Ultrasound pictures from yesterday! I thought the last one was cool, but these are so much better. I can't believe how much these little guys change in less than 2 weeks. When I first saw it on the screen I was worried because it looked so different. Last time all we saw was this little pole type thing with a huge heartbeat. Now it's a chubby little almost-fetus with a more proportional heart.
Here we get a good shot of the spine and the back of the head.
This was one of the resident's practice shots.
So there you have it, our chubby little teddy bear Boo!
Miracle on Park St.
February 12, 2003 - 2:07 p.m.
Thank each and every one of you for all of your prayers. There must have been a lot of us all at once because guess what? We got our miracle.
For some reason, we're in the 5% of that terrible statistic!! The placenta corrected itself and attached the front wall of the uterus. The pool of blood that was there less than a week ago is non-existant. And the baby? CHUBBY and ACTIVE. Since our last ultrasound, little Boo went from a thumb to a tiny little teddy bear. Boo's got a big round head, a chubby round body, and short little arms and legs. The kid was moving quite a bit too. Must have sensed my anxiety.
We got to the hospital and had already pre-registered. Three doctors performed separate ultrasounds one at a time. Then a perinatal specialist came in and told us that everything looked absolutely perfect, that we were attached and the blood (or hemotoma or something) had comepletely reabsorbed. There was no sign of it anywhere.
He answered a bunch of our questions, then all the doctors left, they all looked so happy for us!!
They sent in a resident to practice her ultrasound techniques, and were watching on a screen in another room. This had to be the funniest part of my WHOLE day. She was really bad at finding things, she had only been doing u/s for about a week. Well after she did a shot of the baby, she looks around for my ovaries. I'm dying trying not to laugh - because I know she's not going to find it where she's got the scanner...it wasn't till Tim looked down and his eyes bugged out that I lost it comepletly. She was like, "I can't find the left ovary!" into the little speaker to the docs in the other room. The doctor comes back, "That's because you're looking for it on her leg."
She was so embarrassed, but it was the funniest thing ever. She had been migrating south for a while and just before I went to yank the sheet up and correct her, Tim saw where she was going. Seriously, the little scanner thing was on my left thigh. It was hilarious. She needs some more practice.
So now maybe I'll be able to sleep better? I'm still waiting for my doctor to call. It always seems like we get good news from one doctor and terrible, crushing news from soemone else. Still a pretty high risk pregnancy even though everything measured just right and looked perfect! I'm scheduling my next OB and US right now!
8 Weeks, Losing Hope
February 11, 2003 - 3:54 p.m.
So, Saturday marked 8 weeks. A milestone. In the back of my mind I keep wondering if that little heart is still beating.
We had our housewarming party where I pushed things a bit and ended up with a very sore lower back but I still had severe morning sickness which, nowadays is my only reassurance.
Fast forward to our first OB appt Monday. If you'll remember, the first OB appt with the last pregnancy is where everything started to go wrong. We essentially found out we would miscarry, which was confirmed by the ultrasound.
So, Tim and I show up at the appointment and are greeted by anything but good news. Apparently, there was more to our ultrasound than what we were told at the hospital.
The doctor found a pool of blood underneath the pregnancy. Prior to hearing this, I had read that a pool of blood under the sac indefinitely meant miscarriage. At least 95% of the time.
So when my doctor told us this, I already knew how the rest of the conversation was going to go. "I'm sorry this is happening to you again."
Yea, well so am I. I guess the placenta didn't attach properly. Still, there is a tiny, 5% shred of hope that it fixed itself and we'll go on to have a healthy baby.
Right now I am emotion-less. I've been alternating between hopeful and depressed, doubtful and exuberant. God just couldn't do this to me again, right? I just keep thinking that. We don't deserve this, we just don't. Right?
So we have an emergency ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow at 11:15. Sound familiar? This is like a sick instant replay of our last miscarriage. We're checking for viability. Viability.
I guess a heart rate just isn't enough.
At least we don't have to wait for things to happen. If it doesn't work out tomorrow I'll have a D&C and we'll probably wait years to try again.
On the other hand, I'm looking for a surrogate. Anyone interested?
If things DO work out tomorrow, we're gauranteed 5 ultrasounds in the next few months. I'm officially high-risk. I knew this before but it's just starting to make sense to me now.
I want my mommy.
