What Are you DOING?
December 06, 2002 - 3:02 p.m.
Oh come on, you're going to do this NOW?
Don't confuse me any more, dearest body of mine. I try not to pay attention to you...I try not to read into the twitches and twinges and so help me, are those cramps? Moreso, implantation cramps?
Oh, if you are fooling with me, you will have some payback coming. Especially since I had two nice glasses of merlot and a chocolate tequila last night...and I printed myself extra drink tickets for the holiday party tomorrow.
Suggestions Welcome
December 05, 2002 - 1:11 p.m.
I have new ideas for the nursery. I have been struggling! I have more time to do it now, though.
I know I want the walls to be bright yellow, the trim to be white. I have star and moon stamps to be done in white and navy. I'd like to do them on the ceiling.
There is a small table that I would like to paint white and stamp the stars and moons all over. I am not sure if I should make a border out of the stars and moons stamps, around the top of the room and the window, or randomly about the walls, or if I want to get a different border, maybe a stencil set or rub off stencil. I just want to do something with the walls....with stars and moons.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Our colors are yellow, navy and white. I reapolstered the rocker/glider in these fabrics: 
and
It is a reversible pattern- meaning I did one side of the cushions in the yellow and one in the blue and I made separate covers for the ottoman in both colors. I am thinking about making the bedding and other accessories with it as well. I have just enough fabric now to make curtains.
Side Bar
December 05, 2002 - 9:50 a.m.
As a side note, Tim and I got to play Aunt and Uncle last night to our darling neice. He is SOOOOO good with her. Later we were alone, he held me tight and said he couldn't wait to have a baby. Sigh. I think I want this more for him now. Because he deserves to be a daddy.
Expectations Diminished
December 05, 2002 - 9:49 a.m.
Well color me depressed. I remember feeling this depressed last time we were trying to get pregnant and nothing was happening. It went on for 4 months and got worse each time. It's the moment you realize that another month has passed and nothing is happening.
I know we agreed not to "try" this month it worked out, chances were optimal My chart analysis tells me things were timed perfectly.
Today at 8 dpo, I already have that feeling that this is not the month. I already know what it feels like to be pregnant, and I'm not feeling it.
I implanted at 7 dpo last time. 7 dpo passed me by, and I didn't feel so much as a twinge. (Oh and someone please tell me to stop eating cheese, so I don't get a gut ache and mistake it for implantation cramps, that's sad.)
I realize that I am only 8 dpo...and you can impant any time until 10 dpo... but I can tell that conception has not occured. My temps have fluctuated more than normal. I thought I had a dip a few days ago, it produced nothing...and I had a dip again today. If my temps don't skyrocket tomorrow, I can kiss my chances goodbye. I woke up with a headache, and I was irritable. Sure signs of PMS.
I guess since we weren't trying this time I wasn't going to be upset if it didn't work out. But I was due to test or get my period on my birthday. Well in case you didn't know, someone who wants to be pregnant, doesn't ever want to see their period, especially not on their birthday. Birthdays are already depressing enough.
** TO anyone reading this: I realize I sound pathetic and down. Of course I am overanalyzing things and making them bigger than they should be. But this is the process.
We get all psyched up, and then we fall. Only to do it the next time. It will stop, this cycle of masochism, when I get a positive HPT. And I know it will happen. So don't lend me your pity, or tell me to stop worrying or to "buck up". Really. The only consolation....is acheiving pregnancy. That's why I am here.
(PS, I just quit a group that I used to semi-organize because they couldn't support me at this point of my cycles when I was down. That's why I am defensive. This is my diary and this is my place to get out my feelings about this... THANK YOU for your support- I am grateful. I just don't want to hear that I shouldn't say these things or I should leave it to nature. Nature fails me all the time.)