7 weeks
August 23, 2002 - 2:02 p.m.
I'm 7 weeks today. I've been dreading 7 weeks. It just sounds unlucky to me.
My head hurts.
I'm going camping and I better not get West Nile Virus.
I wish we had our baby with us right now, that would be sooo fun.
24/7 Sickness
August 23, 2002 - 10:43 a.m.
Oh yea, I am now the dumbest human alive. Use simple words and give me a wide berth, because I can no longer speak, hear, think rationally, pick up things without dropping them or walk.
Last night when Tim asked me what was for dinner, I announced, �Reruns.� It simply made sense.
And I had to wash a load of �literature�. Really now, I was bad off before, but this is something in a different league of therapy and group homes.
I am fighting the morning sickness. It�s the worst when I lay down to sleep at night. And just whenever I am hungry. I have no appetite! I really feel awful. I�m not whining. I�m just trying to keep myself from saying, �I want to die,� out loud. The only thing that helps me is sucking on lemons. Yea, cut up lemons. I�m hard core. I�ve eaten two of them already. My face is all puckered and wrinkled now.
I can�t drink water. It makes me sickest of all. That and milk. I used to be able to drink chocolate milk. Now when I do it immediately feels like I am in the middle of an ocean filled with dead fish. Imagine. That.
I�ve taken to calling the baby �Little Parasite� which of course makes me feel bad, but at the same time, I had to sit down in the shower this morning because I couldn�t find the strength to stand AND wash my hair at the same time. This is a problem. When I said I felt tired and crabby and nauseous before, well, it�s like stubbing your toe hurts as compared to breaking it off hurts. Apples and Oranges my friends, ugh. Ugh!
I�m being overly sensitive and crabby, and I need a nap and some food.
Oh, and last night Tim and I bought a jar of pickles. Not so I could eat them, ewww. Just so I could smell them. MMMM.
My head cold is now a chest cold. Cack!
Scary Cramps, Stupid People
August 22, 2002 - 10:33 a.m.
So last night was really scary. I knew when I came home that I was overtired and overdoing it. I just didn�t know what it would mean. I was kind of stressed, from things that had happened at work. I made dinner and usually after dinner I clean up right away. It�s like I can�t relax until everything is cleaned up. Well I was dragging my butt! We were supposed to go to the volleyball game but I was grateful because it was rained out. I tried to clean the house but I kept getting these awful cramps. They weren�t like the first cramps I had, where everything was just �stretching�. These were bad, like �Lay down right now� cramps.
So I crashed in bed, and I mean crashed. Tim woke me up after 45 minutes and I was soaked in sweat, feeling absolutely awful. I again tried to clean the house but all I could do was lay on the couch. I laid there for a half hour and drank a lot of juice, then suddenly I felt better. The cramps were gone and I could stand for more than 5 minutes. I�m thinking somehow I was dehydrated and my body was just overworked. I hope that was all that was wrong. I still have some twinges in the lower left side of my belly. Nothing like last night. No spotting, nothing. I was really scared for a while there.
OK I just talked to Sara, who is a lifesaver. She told me it was probably because I was dehydrated. MYSTERY SOLVED. Thanks Sara! It makes so much sense now what was going on.
Today I am feeling well, the cold has settled in my chest. Better in my chest than in my head. I am still very exhausted. I�m so tired I could cry. Seriously. I am so tired. I feel it in every part of my body. My arms, my hands, my legs, my head. SO TIRED.
Here�s a funny:
Last night there was a message on my answering machine from Meriter Prenatal Diagnosis. She said to call regarding my appointment, and then left MY PHONE NUMBER. Really, call myself and talk about my appointment? Hmm. I�ll see if that works for me.
Snot Snot, Forget Me Not
August 21, 2002 - 10:33 a.m.
Nothing like having snot slide down the back of your throat all day to kick the morning sickness up a notch.
Seriously, I don�t think I have ever felt this sick. Last night when I was trying to sleep all I really wanted to do was black out. I was so nauseous and sick of this cold. I produced ten times the amount of snot I ever thought I could. Today is definitely the worst day. It�s clogging up my ears, my sinuses are completely plugged, and my throat is still sore. Being sick is much worse when you are pregnant! It�s worth it in the end but for the time being I am wondering if it�s too much!
Dreams, Sleep, Babies
August 20, 2002 - 10:32 a.m.
I went home from work early yesterday and spent the day in bed. It was heaven. The downside to that is that I woke up today sicker than I was yesterday. Today instead of just a sore throat I have a full-out head cold.
I temped for the last time today, and it ended on a high note: 98.6. From now on I have the freedom of waking up to go to the bathroom at 3am if I want to. I just wish I could take Nyquil or something like that to get through this cold.
I�ve been having really vivid dreams about all sorts of things. Some are scary because they are just so real.
I had a scary movie for a dream the other night. And last night I dreamt in d�j� vu�I kept dreaming the same thing over and over. Things I can�t even explain.
Every once and a while I get the familiar jealousy when I see someone with a baby or pictures of someone with their baby. It�s not that I have forgotten that soon that will be me�it�s just that this isn�t real for me just yet and I am so very impatient for things to happen.
Sore Throat, Joy!
August 19, 2002 - 10:31 a.m.
In so many ways I am relieved to have made it through the first 6 weeks without incident. I�ve been more relaxed than I thought I would be, I�m not freaking out at every possibility. I almost expected myself to be paralyzed with fear at most things but I�m doing pretty well. I still have my concerns, like the temp drops and the water slide things. Before that it was cramps and no cramps, morning sickness and no morning sickness. Well whatever. If something was to happen it�s not something I can�t help it or stop it or prevent it. I am eating well and taking care of myself and of course sleeping at every opportunity. What more can I do? Obsessing isn�t going to help.
It�s just weird that for the most part I don�t feel anything like I used to. I used to feel dizzy and at least a little nauseous, and starving all the time. Now I am just tired and cranky� and I was that 6 months ago!
Most people say I should consider myself lucky and I do. My mom never felt sick, don�t you just hate us?
Damn the doctor for saying morning sickness was better to have then not to have.
I am thinking of going home early, or not coming in tomorrow.
My throat is so sore. I am so tired. If I could just get some work done today I would feel better.