Still Negative, but guess what? I'm pregnant.
December 13, 2002 - 8:54 a.m.
Let's just sit and process this. for a minute.
OHHH NOOO!
I am pregnant. No, it's not official, but I am convinced. It might not stick, it doesn't seem like it anyway.
Here's the total scoop.
I was having some really weird cramping starting at 9 dpo. The night of 12 dpo I tested, got a fainter than faint positive. The next morning, I tested totally negative at 13 dpo. I waited till yesterday, 15 dpo and got a negative again.
This morning I woke up to rising temperatures, sore boobs and darkened nipples.
I am freaking out. Since I tested negative, I have been doing a LOT of things I shouldn't have. A few beers, some wine, ibuprofen, cake for dinner, painting, you just name it. I was SO SURE I wasn't pregnant.
Well, the worst part of it is, I let my prenatals presciption run out. And I have packed my other vitamins. So I've been pregnant all this time and I haven't done one good thing about it.
I'm so angry, so scared and so depressed. I'm worried of another miscarriage. If I am going to lose this one, I want it to happen now...not later.
I don't know what to tell Tim. I told him about the postitive then negative test...but I didn't tell him that I was still testing, I wonder how to tell him? Will he be as scared as I am?
Negative Outcome
December 10, 2002 - 10:15 a.m.
So here is what happened. I started having the weird cramping again yesterday afternoon. Last night my curiosity got the best of me, so I took a HPT, a First Response. When I first opened the double test pack, I thought something might be wrong with them. I could see the control line and a blue tinge to the end of the strip. I used it anyway.
I got two lines. It took a while and it was faint....but there were two lines.
I was letting it sink in, I couldn't believe it was true, I was starting to worry about all these things...when the cramps started. Really bad, normal cramps. Like period cramps.
So I went to bed.
This morning my temperature went down and I tested again....
Big.Fat.Negative.
So I was a little relieved. I don't know why? It could have been a false positive or a false negative...either way I am still cramping and feeling generally pissy and tired.
It's so not like me! I never jump the gun on testing! I don't know what came over me. But I am glad I did...now I don't have to worry so much.
And I can have that bottle of Cabernet for my birthday.
I don't have AF yet, and I am still way above my coverline. I think I might test again Thursday if I haven't gotten it already...but I really don't feel pregnant, so maybe I won't have to.
******
If I was to get a positive test again, I had planned on getting Tim a bib or something that said, "I Love Daddy" or something that he could open on my birthday. Nothing too smushy, just enough to soften it for both of us....I know how bowled over I felt when I got the + yesterday, and it wasn't a good feeling. I don't want him to be that overwhelmed!
******
On the other hand, something must be wrong with me...we were at the store looking at ceiling fans the other night and I passed out. Tim thought it was because I had been looking up too long. I woke up this morning all dizzy and passy-outy. I've been nauseous and have had weird back pains and cramps since Friday....meningitis? Futon-itis? Stress-itis?
I don't know what it is but I feel like dying.
I Think I am, I Think I am?
December 09, 2002 - 3:12 p.m.
Well?
I think I am pregnant.
Boy, will I feel stupid in a few days if I take a test and it is negative.
But...I really think I am pregnant.
That's not necessarily a good thing. Now I might not know what a normal pregnancy should feel like because the last one ended in a miscarriage, and I remember cramping a lot...but it didn't hurt until I started miscarrying.
Right now I have the weirdest cramps, and they are painful. But they're not menstrual cramps!!
Oh and I did drink Saturday night....but my temp had dropped well below coverline that day and I was most certain that I wasn't pregnant.
So of course I harbor a little guilt about that...but things will be ok.
My birthday is Thursday and that is the only day I will allow myself to test.
Cross your fingers...for what I am not sure.