Just 2 more weeks till I find something else to worry about....
January 17, 2003 - 7:54 a.m.
This morning I decided that pretzels and cheese and buffalo chicken quesadillas make a much better breakfast than oatmeal. I�ll probably be sorry later but all I can say is I am glad yesterday is over.
I was grumpy all day and just generally not feeling well. I was tired, exhausted really. I was hungry all day, but not eating because I can�t put anything to my mouth without a comment from nosy co-workers.
The day finally got better when Tim picked me up from work and we went to dinner. It was so like old times, the best times when you feel like you�re the only two (three) people in the world who matter. I had drawn a tiny dot on my finger to show Tim how big our little Boo was�as big as an apple seed. Too bad I washed my hands before dinner�little Boo looked more like a blue smear. We laughed through a fabulous dinner�of buffalo chicken quesadillas on pizza dough and raspberry lemonade.
After dinner we planned to meet friends at The Club (less of a club than the name implies). Dear friends that make me cry because I love them so much. Within minutes of being there, the same friend that had guessed I was pregnant this passed summer guessed right again. And so now they all knew.
The wife of the friend who guessed we were pregnant is 14 weeks along herself. She took off my wedding ring, dangled it on a chain and dropped it between my thumb and forefinger 3 times before holding it over my palm. It swung in a circle. She repeated it, the ring went back and forth across my hand. Once more, it swung in a circle. When she tried a fourth time, the ring stopped dead in the middle of my hand. Tim watched it stop. We both had chills. She told me it would stop when we were done having kids. So apparently we�re having a girl, then a boy, then a girl. I TOLD him I�d have 3 kids. He was convinced he wouldn�t want any more than two.
We left the Club and went to another friend�s house. He offered me a beer or a brandy, which I refused. Tim says, �By the way, Sam�s pregnant again.� But he already knew. Am I that transparent?
When we got in the truck to go home we both felt a little strange, and upset. The same order is unfolding. It�s like d�j� vu. The same people found out the same way�first my mom, then Tim, BIL, The Crew, then our other friend. That only leaves Tim�s cousin and his parents. The exact order as last time�it�s creepy. Everyone told us we were in their prayers that things would go well this time, and I had the same �Don�t worry!� attitude as last time�it�s all to similar.
Then on the way home the backache I had been having all day increased to the point I was worried about it. The backache, combined with all our friends knowing again, scared me to death. I tried to make my peace with losing this baby too.
And here I thought I was doing so well.
But if you remember, the first miscarriage started with a series of backaches.
Tim rationalized that I had been lifting and moving a lot this week before the restrictions�made me take a hot shower and I did feel better then.
I just want to see little Boo�s heartbeat in 2 weeks�.